IAAPA Havoc April 1, 1999
Volume 3, Number 2

March was very long month, at least EYE felt that it took forever. I
couldn't wait to mail the next issue of

OK, OK. Enough with the cute headings. This was a great month for the
Knight, as 1 or 2 of you guys actually read last month's issue! Why,
you even sent me some stuff for this issue ~ not to mention some ammo
for my Knight Muse. The IAAPA Havoc is in an experimental stage right
now. I'm going to try out some ideas for new sections. If you have any
comments or suggestions, I'd be grateful to hear from you. EK

Notes From the Front (Email Division)

Knight's Knote ~ Propaganda is a great part of the fun we have with
Axis and Allies. One of the greatest purveyors of propaganda is a
fellow named SoTragic (despite some minor plagiarism) as he accepts his
opponent's surrender.

Game 5599

Axis: wmck@
Allies: SoTragic

Warren,
welcome to the pain. Remember -- you were warned.

This grizzled veteran hasn't seen that bad a set of G1 die rolls in
quite some time.

~~~~**~~~~~**~~~~

Perhaps, someday, when the bad karma moves away and you feel a moment's
boldness you'll consider, just consider, the possibility of rematch.

On that day email me . . .

. . .

. . .

. . . if you dare.

Because Axis and Allies is often,

SoTragic

Game 5786

Axis: Komp
Allies: Spud

Attack #2--Germany
1 bmb Cauc, 2 bmb UK for SBR
vs
aa
*KA-BOOM..death from above..30 IPCs damage. German army goes
door
to door selling weinerschneitzel to raise money to re-build*

Knight's Knote ~ The following excerpt offers a wide range of possible
comments from the Knight...but I am biting my tongue.

Game 5788

Axis: Brutus
Allies: AANut

This log is the intellectual property of Brutus and AANut.
This log may not be altered without the consent of both Brutus and
AANut.
This log may be copied and circulated provided it it is copied in its
entirety, and provided a contribution of $5 is made to both Brutus and
AANut for each copy made.
Any infringement of the above shall condemn you to be forever cursed.

Note from logs minister:
The above curse is provided by the participants. IAAPA takes no
responsibility for any damage to persons or property as a result of the
curse.

Game 5749

GM: FoulFoot@
Axis: Rewstr
Allies: AxisSpec

Knight's Knote ~ Watch how a simple spelling error can escalate. The
following is an excerpt from an active game. I, for one, will be
interested in reading the log on this game. I'd like to see how this
one ends.

Japan 1

Yamamoto orders the Imperial Navy to search out and destroy the US
pacific Fleet. May the divine winds carry our pilots. Toro Toro Toro!

US 1

The crypto-analyst looks at the latest intercept and scratches his head,
puzzled at the message. He shows the message to his superior and
says,"Sir,we know that the Japanese attack signal is 'Tora, tora, tora',
and this is very close, but..." The officer looks down at the message
and smiles, "Oh, they're just discussing lawnmowers, Sergeant!"

The 2nd Lieutenant was later dishonorably discharged.

Japan 2

Toro Toro Toro? The idiot that gave that order has been sacked. Our
brave men stood on the decks with lawn mowers while the Americans shot
them down! Everyone knows a Toro is no match for a John Deer!

Knight's Knote ~ The following two excerpts were submitted by Rewstr,
the same great leader who armed his men with lawnmowers. (A 'helmet
award' was given to best story, worst dice roll, etc. in the early days
of IAAPA.) Rewstr's comments:

Two submissions. In the first AxisSpecialist provides a colorful
concession speech. In the second, this was a 'helmet' many years ago.
The graybeards in the club might remember it. I still make it the best
story ever told ....

Axis: AxisSpec
Allies: Rewstr

AxisSpec's concession:

Sadly, the Rising Sun has sunk beneath the waves. Every crack we make
in the Allied wall attracts a fleet of cement mixers filled with
round-eyes. We no longer have the desire to keep rushing madly about,
and wish to seek the most favorable terms for our surrender. Therefore,
with heavy hearts,

we concede.

On the road to victory, the Rewster has always been one of those big 18
wheelers who just won't let me pass. The road always changes from an 8
lane highway to a deserted country road when I finally catch up to the
Rewstermobile, and it never gets any better. Eventually my tiny
4-cylinder shakes and rattles and falls apart. The gigantic rig ahead of
me shifts gears, emits a tiny puff of smoke, and screams off into the
night. At the end of this nightmare I have often heard maniacal
laughter.

Axis: Rewtsr
Allies: Brian

I nominate Brian9178 for the best story ever told. Brian has outdone
himself with this one.

Here's the game situation:

The Germans have taken Kar and are massing for an attack on Russia. The
British control Africa and had built an IC in India, however the
Japanese are about to over-run India. The British pull the 2 remaining
Armor divisions from India into Russia for the defense. As the tables
begin to turn toward the Axis, I hit Brian with the following
"mini-story".

JAPAN 6

Two more British armor units coming rolling into Moscow. General
O'Brien hops down from his Valentine as he sees General O'Malley come
rolling up in his Matilda. O'Brien talks first. "Wow, that was close!
Close the barn doors mate, those damn Japanese Zeros are right on my
tail. When does the boat leave for London? Our blokes are being
hammered in India. We better get out'a here." O'Malley hesitates before
he answers. "You mean you are not part of the relief effort? There are
20 Panzer divisions between here and England!" An eerie silence
follows. Both men know they will never see England again.

**
Brian, then responds on UK 7 with the following Story:
**

UK Turn 7
Autumn '43

Generals O'Brien and O'Malley step out of the armored car that has
brought them to the gates of the Kremlin. A young pink-faced Soviet
cadet snaps to attention clicking his boots together in recognition of
the foreign Generals. The cadet looked no older than 15. "At ease
mate.", said O'Brien looking around him at the old Russian fortress.
Several of the crenellated walls had collapsed as had the roof of one
the Russian palaces within the fortress. The results of combined German
and Japanese bombing raids. "We have orders to meet with General
Zukorov." The Generals showed the guard their papers. Seeing that
everything was in order the cadet ordered several of the Kremlin guards
to escort the two Generals directly to the Soviet commander in chief.

Although it was still only mid-October, it was bitter cold in Moscow.
O'Brien and O'Malley still wore the light khaki tan uniforms made for
the North African campaign underneath the long Russian coats they had
borrowed since their arrival. They had both refused the full Russian
winter uniform for themselves and their men, understanding the
demoralizing effect it would have on the men if they wore another
nations uniform. This impractical patriotism was more remarkable since
they were both Irishmen by birth. Remarking on the coincidence of two
Irish generals running the entire British Asian campaign, O'Brien had
quipped 'On a fool's errand send a Irishman. On a suicide mission send
two Irishmen.' Because of their race both had had to overcome many
prejudices to obtain such a high rank in the British army but they were
fiercely loyal to the men that served under them. Although they would
never admit it to anyone but each other, their loyalty was to the corps
not the country.

"I have one at home a little older than that one back there". O'Malley
said. "Thank God it hasn't come to that yet back home. These Russians
will be enlisting their women next."

"The fascists make war on men, women and children alike. They might as
well be armed." O'Brien replied. He was thinking of the evacuation of
Bombay.

The people had begged to be allowed to travel with the leaving army.
The Japanese were sending the Indians to slave camps, the attractive
young women were forced to become prostitutes, making a brothel for the
conquering troops. He had sent the order to his men to move out with all
haste and not to allow any civilians to travel in military vehicles.
None would know how he weeped over the decision in private but at that
time only he knew that the Indian forces were to make a surprise attack
on the German right in the Caucasus. All possible speed had been
required.

"I only wish we had some good experienced soldiers to make our defense.
Our men are tested but half of these Russians have never been with a
mile of a German panzer tank !"

"They will learn soon enough what one does when one sees a panzer tank.
Run!"

"You didn't talk that way back in North Africa under Montie. We beat
Rommel's best!"

"In Africa we never fought more than 2 divisions of German tanks at a
time. Intelligence has it there are 20 divisions of Panzers to our
north."

"Perhaps we won't have to fight the Germans. It's reported that some of
the German army has been ordered back to Poland to defend against the
coming American invasion."

"Perhaps." but O'Brien's tone reflected the skepticism of a soldier who
had seen too many soldiers die for him for what seemed like very little
gain.

The soldiers were brought through the majestic halls of the parliament
building. They were taken to an elevator which took them to a floor
three floors below ground level, the bomb shelter. The Generals walked
down a poorly lit hallway to a small wooden door. It could have been
the door to the Janitor's closet. The cadets opened the door and
stepped back. One walked in the room and saluted.

"General Zukurov sir, the British Generals you wished to speak to."

O'Malley and O'Brien entered the room. Thick red carpeting covered the
floor. An enormous portrait of Josef Stalin hung directly behind
Zukurov's desk. On one side of his desk a bust of Lenin, on the other
side Tschaikovsky.

"Welcome Gentlemen. I wish you had come to visit our country at a
happier hour but as it was, it was at least a fortunate hour for us when
your tanks entered our city. We have too few tanks here.", said the old
General.

"General it was a happy hour for us as well. The Japanese zeros hunted
us the whole way to Moscow. It was good to enter a country where our
boys still control the skies."

"Yes we at least still have control of the sky. And we will for the
remainder of the war I believe. Our allies send many of their best
fighting men to us through the sky. For example", Zukurov extended his
arm toward the other end of the room where an enormous battlemap hung.
Amid several members of Zukurov's staff stood one tall and lanky fellow,
stroking his mustaches and pondering the aerial photographs and tactical
maps. The two Generals recognized him at once, he reminded them of
happier times when German tanks smoked on the desert and Italian and
German soldiers surrendered by the thousands.

"General Montgomery, Sir!"

"Good to see you chaps." said the British CIC. He looked concerned. " I
heard the Indian campaign was tough going. I'm glad to see you both in
good form."

"Sir, you taught us well. The man that out-foxed the desert fox."
O'Malley chuckled. "The Japs outnumbered us sir, but we held them as
long as we could and then pounced on the German right. Hopefully, we
bought ourselves a little extra time here. But I'm sure you've heard
the details."

"Yes. (sigh) Delaying tactics are all too common for our side. Zukurov
and I have devised a plan to buy ourselves a little more time and we'd
like you chaps to carry it out."

Zukurov now spoke. "All attention no doubt is on our northern front.
The Germans make the best tanks in the world and 20 German panzer
divisions are no trifling matter. But intelligence reports and aerial
photographs have confirmed that much of the whermacht has marched back
to Poland enroute to the Western Front where the Americans are
threatening to invade. We have had two years to prepare our northern
front for the German attack. We have miles of minefields and tank traps
to delay their advance. Without their infantry to support them we no
longer suspect an attack from that direction. If there's anything we
know about the Germans it's that they love their tanks more than their
own lives. No, they will not risk so many of their tanks in a direct
assault, unless we have been softened up by an attack from another
direction."

Montie now took his pointer and directed their attention to the Southern
Front. Japanese forces were clustered around Kazakhstan. Two smaller
forces were directly east marching toward Moscow from Siberia. A larger
force was in Siberia. "We believe that the final assault on Moscow will
be initiated by the Japanese. Their balanced composition of infantry,
tanks and air forces make them the perfect softening attack. Once they
have created enough chaos in our lines, expect the Panzers to come
rolling in from the north. Their weakness is in their wide open
position. These 4 divisions to the east have not yet hooked up with the
main force at Kazakhstan. It is these 4 divisions we want you two to
destroy while they are still vulnerable. You will have massive air
superiority at the start. Eventually, the Japs will probably hit back
hard at which time we'll have to withdrawal air support. Our fighters
are needed back here for the coming attack. You will carry only enough
fuel to get the job done. Once behind enemy lines we expect you conduct
a guerrilla campaign against enemy supply lines."

After leaving the Zukurov's office, the two tank commanders didn't speak
a word until they were back in the armored car heading to the barracks
where they would have to tell their men that once again they had been
chosen for a desperate mission.

O'Brien broke the silence. "At least we may have some revenge for
Bombay before this thing's finished . . . But you've got family
O'Malley, you at least should head back to Britain with Montie. His
plane leaves in the morning. I'm sure he would give you a spot on his
staff if you merely asked him."

"I have a thing or two to settle with the Japanese myself, O'Brien. No
I don't think I'm ready for a staff position yet. Besides my father was
a member of the IRA, he taught me a thing or two about guerrilla
warfare. No, I think my place is still with my men."

The two turned their attention away from the inevitable strategic
situation, it was tactics and logistics the rest of the trip, there was
no discussion of their plans beyond the 3-month horizon in which they
could achieve a temporary victory.

**
By this time, I am sure everyone wants to know what happened to O'Malley
& O'Brien. 3 British armor then attacked ENO & NOV with Fighter support.

**

JAPAN 7

O'Malley & O'Brien meet up at the bridge over the Krinchov river. The
past 24 hours have been a whirlwind. The meeting with Monty. The
breakout. British Spitfires filling the skies. It reminded both of
them of the days in the desert taking on the Desert Fox. This operation
had been text book. O'Malley headed North, O'Brien took the Center.
Both divisions fought through stiff resistance, and then, after the
breakthrough, miles and miles of open terrain on the Russian Steppes.
It almost seemed like a drive in the country. O'Keefe had gone South and
was supposed to meet them at the bridge.

It is almost dawn now. O'Malley's division is at half strength. O'Brien
is not much better. They are still waiting for O'Keefe. The generals
hear a rumble in the distance. At first they think it is O'Keefe. But
soon they can tell it's not the low rumble of Crusader tanks, but the
higher pitch of Japanese tankers. Over head they can see fighters. The
Spitfires have returned! No, those circles on the wings are rising
suns.

O'Malley turns and watches O'Brien climb into his command vehicle.
Moments later a direct hit from a Japanese tanker bursts the half-track
into flames. And so begins the last stand of the Desert Rats.

**
O'Malley is currently in a Japanese Prisoner of War camp.
O'Brien is still listed as MIA.

Now we all know that one of the BEST things about A&A is that you get to
roll MORE dice than the average war game, and you often get to roll them
in big handfuls, all at the same time. We've seen the crazy results:
roll for 24 infantry and get NO DICE less than a 3. The odds against
this should be astronomical, but I've seen it happen, and I bet you
have, too. The flip side is when none of your 7 arm and 5 ftrs score a
hit in the first round. This should happen one out of every 4000 games,
so why has it happened to most of us already?

When this type of thing happens to me with dice, I have no one but
myself (and a variety of deities) to blame, but when the DICESERVER does
it, too -- now that's outrageous. I start to obsess about it -- what
could have gone on deep in the bowels of the web server to do this to
me? I start towonder if it knows my name. I've even considered reversing
the attacker and defender's email addresses so the dice server won't be
able to figure out who is rolling the dice. Another thing to get
compulsive about it when to press the "Roll-Em" button -- should I do it
now, or should I wait a few seconds until some other sucker has gotten
the hideous rolls it wX-Mozilla-Status: 0009? Just like a slot machine,
all I can do is decide when to press that button.

Now, by the way, this isn't intended to be critical of our dice server.
That thing's got a great UI, is really reliable now, and makes GM-less
games go like a breeze. Deep down I know that our dice server is really
no more cruel than the 12 dice in my A&A set. Like them, it just
dispenses blind justice when called upon to do so.

Knight Muse

Last month I stated that IAAPA players are the best A&A players in the
world. I also said that CD players, even the best among them, cannot
compare to IAAPA members. A certain IAAPA member, let's call him
Benedict Arnold, posted my message on the Spring 1942 bulletin board.
As a result, I received several nasty letters and a few challenges. I
was so shaken that I almost soiled my armour!

When I popped into the Online site, several players recognized me from
the BB posting and began harrassing me. I managed to play one of
Spring's "top players", and was quite unimpressed, despite my defeat.
If that is the best that they can show us, then perhaps we should send a
few of our rookies over there to show them how to play. If we allowed
them to play in IAAPA, even our mediocre players would beat them up.
Unfortunately, CD players don't have the patience or depth to
participate in a game which takes more than a few hours to complete.

Here is my challenge to CD players: Join IAAPA (IF you can pass the
test.) Play a few email games, and then see if you think you're still
a top player. The CD is fine for little kids, or a quick game without
too much thought, but try playing an email game and you'll see that
there IS a difference.

Finally, lest you Spring members start foaming at the mouth ~ again ~
remember that today is April 1st.

(For CD players: April 1st is April Fool's Day.)

P.S. Thank you for stirring up the pot, Benny :)

EK

Reading your report of AxisSpec, High Cmmdr and SoTragic in Utah
reminded me of one of my most enjoyable evenings of face-to-face A&A.
If you have 3 players, then play 3 games simultaneously with each player
having a turn as the Allies in one game and the Axis in the other. All
three players begin with R1 at the same time and continue round by round
until each game is resolved. The games are fast and furious, with lot
of action. You are never bored waiting for your turn. It is a lot of
fun and the ultimate challenge in concentration and thinking quickly.

~ WarlockLH

What is your A&A board's worst Enemy?

Your cat!

~ LrdOfDrems

Dear Mr. Errnt Knt:

Your message to the membership of IAAPA has, needless to say, reached
those of us who play on the internet.

Having played numerous IAAPA members, I was rather shocked to see that
you said an average IAAPA member could beat the "best" in that format.
IAAPA members do well, but don't dominate Spring 42 (the CD online A&A
club). Go to www.Spring1942.com, if you would like to look at it.

As for Speed being the key factor, even Grandmasters in chess play with
a timer. The difference between 10 minutes and a day is minimal to an
experienced player. There is very little we haven't seen many times
before.

Since no one in Spring has ever heard of you, I question whether you
have actually played "the best in that format". I am formally the top
ranked player in Spring and consider myself it's best player.

Please have a game with me, I'll turn the timer off. Speed won't be a
factor. You can take all day to move. I'll read a book or something.

Should you win, you'll be able to speak at length on the inferiority of
the 1600+ players from around the world who are members of Spring 42.
The largest A&A club in the world.

By the way, the shear volume of games we play allows us to test and
develop strategies at a phenominal rate. An average player can become
good in a matter of weeks. One game a month doesn't help average members
become good quickly.

I sincerely doubt the average IAAPA player could beat the average Spring
player.

Please show me that I'm wrong. Rules and time will be negotiated. Thank
you for your time.

Sincerely,

Robert Brinkerhoff
RobertBrink on the MSN Zone.

Recon Squad

Do you have an interesting or humorous A&A story? Is there something
that makes your blood pressure skyrocket and your face turn purple?
Would you enjoy sharing/warning other IAAPA members? The IAAPA Havoc
has a severe shortage of intelligence and desperately needs
reconnaissance scouts. All intelligence reports should be forwarded
thru channels to the S-3 Officer at:

havoc@axisandallies.net

Errant Knight

April Recon Scouts:

cwmcbride
Rewstr
HighCmmdr
markw
AxisSpec
WarlockLH
LrdOfDrems