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Whilst
cleaning out the ol' castle library; I chanced upon
this tasty tidbit of A+A history..
Randall was busy
setting up the board for the Big Game. It was Saturday
Night, and the boys would be arriving soon. He hoped
to play the Axis, but wasn't one to leave things to
fate very often. He swirled the 5 cardboard disks around
the table, carefully examined the backs of each, and
for the 3rd consecutive time, turned over the Japanese
control marker. He mixed them around on the table one
last time, and went back to setting up the board. As
he placed the final US unit onto the board, almost as
if on cue, his fellow gamers strolled through the open
door. Randall looked at each of them, a scowl plastered
on his face. “Why is it that you guys never show up
until I'm done setting up the board?” he demanded. The
other 4 men looked at each other, all hoping that someone
else would answer, until Billy finally caved in.
"But, Randall, you're
the only one who knows all of the correct units for
each territory." he explained.
"That's Bull, and
all of you know it!" Randall practically screamed.
Actually, the other
guys knew where the pieces all belonged, but they all
hated setting up the board. In order to avoid this simple
job they had all learned long ago that they could sucker
Randall into doing it by himself. All they had to do
was volunteer their services, and then totally screw
up everything. They would say things like "I put a bomber
in Karelia, right?" and Randall would have a fit. "NO!
Russia doesn't get any bombers at the start of the game!
How many times do I have to tell you that?"
Eventually Randall
would tire of their apparent stupidity and chase them
away from the table until he'd finished setting up the
board by himself. That didn't stop him from complaining
about his responsibility before the beginning of every
game, however.
The 5 men grabbed
seats around the board and Randall began mixing the
5 disks around on the gameboard. He looked, and easily
found the backside of the Japanese marker, and as he
shifted the disks around the board he made sure to position
it the furthest distance from himself, but not the furthest
distance from any of the other players. As soon as he
finished positioning the disks 4 hands shot across the
board to grab the disk furthest from their position..
As each of the other players took secretive peeks at
the markers they'd grabbed, Randall reached lazily across
the board and flipped over the Japanese marker.
Billy had drawn
the German marker, which Randall couldn't have planned
any better. With Billy as a partner the game was pretty
much Randall and Randall versus the other 3 players.
Billy trusted Randall and believed in his strategies,
and he'd never make even the slightest decision about
anything for the duration of the entire game. It was
a bit annoying to play half of the game through a marionette,
but it was better than watching Cheswick decimate the
German forces in utterly assinine attacks....like 7
arm attacking 15 inf and 6 ftrs in Karelia. "But I wanted
to weaken him a little. He was too strong in Care-a-LEE-a",
he'd said then, and Randall had almost throttled him.
The other thing
was, nobody would play Randall if he didn't have a partner.
They were afraid of him; thought that he was too strong
a player for them. The fact that having Billy as a partner
was like playing both Axis powers by himself (except
it was actually better because he paid closer attention
to ensure Billy did everything correctly) made no difference
to the other 3. As far as they were concerned, Billy
was only getting advice, and then making his own decisions.
Taber, the most
aggressive of the other 4 players, had drawn the Russian
marker, and he immediately purchased 3 inf and 3 arm,
and then decided on a ‘Triple Whammy’ attack ~ Finland,
Ukraine, and Manchuria. Randall suddenly flashed back
to the days when he'd played the game online and by
email. He remembered the handicap he'd received with
the Axis, "The bid...that's what it was called," he
thought to himself.
Martini suddenly
stood up and said, "Damn! When does the Americans get
to take a turn?" Martini wasn't a real genius, and his
grammar was atrocious. Randall told him to sit down
and be patient; that it was still only Russia 1.
Cheswick blinked
his eyes, looked at Randall, and in his squeeky high
voice said, "But I thought Russia was AFTER the Americans?"
Randall knew immediately
that he was in trouble. Cheswick wasn't the brightest
lightbulb in the marquee either, and you might as well
try to teach a dog to speak Chinese as explain anything
to Cheswick.
Billy leaned across
the table and with a very serious look in his eye told
Randall, "He's right. I remember from when we played
before. The Americans ARE before the Russians."
"Son of a...! Are
you guys NUTS? Or just plain STUPID?"
Randall slapped
the board away from the table. Taber hadn't rolled a
single die (they were in his underwear) and the game
was over. Randall was fuming, his face was turning redder
with each passing second, and it looked as if his head
would explode from the pressure. Before all hell could
break loose, Harding walked into the tub room and said,
"Well, to be entirely fair, Mac, this peculiar group
of gentlemen were once considered salvagable ~ and then
you entered our lives. You came, and you brought your
little plastic tanks, and your little plastic planes,
and..."
"Gimme a break,
Harding! These guys were wackos before I ever came near
the joint."
"No, sir. It was
your 'harmless' little boardgame that sent them over
the edge, McMurphy."
A voice interrupted
the discussion as the PA system cranked out some crappy
classical music and the soothing, familiar voice informed
them, "Medication time. Medication time."
Martini grabbed
a handful of American infantry and popped them into
his mouth, then headed to the nurse's station for dessert.
Errant Knight
(With apologies
to Ken Kesey)
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